Words are inadequate when attempting to describe Ed Tom’s address to the Rotary Club of San Marino last Thursday afternoon, simply because none can define the emotion with which the San Marino resident explained a life lived as a polio survivor.
Raw, honest and challenging, Tom reviewed a life that has transitioned from ‘polio victim to victory,’ in his own words.
At the beginning of his address, Tom mentioned his 5,000 followers on social media and that his photos and posts have received 10 million Facebook views. Little did attendees know, they were about to witness the very first time Tom has ever spoken publicly about the challenges of a life that began in a remote Chinese village where he contracted the dreaded disease at the age of two.
Tom wasted no time addressing the gut-wrenching realities of his life.
“People are so focused with how we look on the outside,” said Tom. “It’s apparent everywhere we go and even on Facebook. Everybody wants to impress everybody.”
Tom paused to collect himself before delivering the point of his message.
“Deep down inside, we all have our own insecurities,” Tom said. “I cannot tell you all the pain I have deep down inside me. The word ‘cripple’ is what people used to call me. The word ‘handicapped’ is what educated people use, but what I used to hear most is ‘cripple.’”
For emphasis, as if any was needed, Tom screamed the word again as the audience listened in complete silence.
“Cripple!”
Overcome with emotion, Tom paused briefly while attendees voiced words of support.
“We’re here for you, Ed,” said one.
“You’ve got this,” said another.
Previously discarded dinner napkins were soon re-enlisted as Kleenex by just about every person in the room.
“If you knew how many times people called me that,” he thundered. “When you are handicapped, people judge you immediately, and it’s not favorable,” he said. “We are viewed as inferior. People look down on me or pity me and I don’t want either. I just want to be respected and loved, like everyone else. I am willing to stand here today and bare my soul and share what I have never shared shared before. I choose not to be a victim.”
Tom told the audience that family members carried him on their backs until he was 2 years old and that he crawled until the age of eight.
His mother carried him on her back as they escaped Communist China and migrated into Hong Kong, knowing her son could not get the medical attention he needed in their home nation. He later underwent several surgeries. One relocated a muscle from his hip that allowed him to stand without falling down. Eventually, he was able to walk with the assistance of two crutches and braces on both legs. He also underwent acupuncture to assist in healing.
“I had more needles poked into my body than you can imagine,” he said with a laugh, that quickly spread through the audience.
Tom and his family relocated to the United States, but the taunts and insults followed.
“I was not allowed to play what the other kids would play,” he said. “I could not walk and I could not run. My school didn’t even have a wheelchair.”
Looking back, Tom described himself as “a very lonely child.”
“The emotional impact is often more difficult than the physical impact,” he said. “I felt rejection. I was made fun of by the other kids. I was always the last one picked when we played games. The other kids would say ‘Darn, do we have to pick him again? We are going to lose.”
Tom said he had “no self-esteem and no confidence.”
“I often looked up to the sky and said ‘God, why me?’” he said. “Instead of dreaming of being a firefighter or a doctor or a football player, I saw myself confined to a wheelchair.”
Tom said he had already had “3 strikes.”
“I was a minority, we were poor and I was crippled,” he said.
Temporary respite arrived as an 8th grader when his leg braces allowed for relocation to a “regular school,” but the progress was short-lived.
“I was again rejected in sports and rejected by girls,” he said. “I spent so much time crying and eventually decided to face my fear. I discovered I could change my mind with knowledge, and knowledge is power. I decided that what I cannot do physically, I can do with my brain. Slowly I turned lemons into lemonade. I decided I could let people see the beauty within me through my smile.”
For those who know Tom, it’s a permanent fixture on his handsome face, and at that point he flashed one of his brightest.
Tom said he overcame loneliness by becoming a caring person. Instead of complaining, he decided to reach out and help others.
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself,” he said, and by that point in his address very few in the audience did. “Go help someone else.”
Tom mentioned that he has since climbed the 7,000 steps to the top of Diamond Head in Hawaii, “with the encouragement of my two boys.”
“It took me two hours,” he said. “But I made it!”
But his proudest accomplishment occurred when Margaret agreed to be his wife.
“It’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said, again overcome with both happiness and emotion. “She loved me for what is inside of me and it is her love that gave me confidence.”
Tom recalled a time when they were dating. It was a hot day and Tom—embarrassed by his underdeveloped legs—was wearing long pants, as was typical.
“Margaret refused to go out with me until I put on shorts,” he said with a chuckle. “She said ‘Why do you care what others think of you? We will not leave this house until you change.’”
“She stood her ground,” he said. “It was then that I knew I had found my soulmate.”
He also praised his mother for her influence in his life, including one seminal moment that took place when Tom fell and she screamed at him.
“I will not always be here to help you,” she exclaimed. “Pick yourself up. You can see. You can use your hands. You can use your brain. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I knew I could never give up,” Tom said after a lengthy pause. “How could I ever let her down?”
While a student at UCLA, a fellow student shared the gospel with Tom.
“I have faith,” he exclaimed. “And faith can move mountains. Faith has taught me that I do not have to be a victim. I am not a cripple. I have a destiny in life and can be anything I want to be.”
Which includes “successful.” Tom has been with UBS Financial Services since 2001, and is currently vice president of investments. His clients include celebrities and corporate and healthcare professionals and he is a member of the company’s President’s Club.
The effect of Tom’s honest message—the speaker himself referred to his honesty as “naked”—has been lasting among those who witnessed his first public explanation of his struggle.
Dahlys Ang, a junior at San Marino High School, was on a career shadowing project for journalism and attending her first Rotary meeting. As luck would have it, the Titan Shield staff writer witnessed one of the more inspirational programs in club history.
“Listening to Ed Tom’s speech about his struggles and ultimate victory over polio was very powerful and inspirational,” she said. “Hearing how he still lives his life to the fullest reminded me of how fortunate I am to do something as simple as walk. It’s so easy to take the little things for granted, and his story put everything in perspective as to how blessed I am.”
Gilda Moshir, president of the Rotary Club of San Marino, agrees.
“It was such a privilege to be the first audience to hear Ed share his personal experience as a polio survivor,” Moshir said. “He delivered an impactful speech about his childhood that had the room in tears. His story of perseverance and triumph as he became a successful businessman is a testament to all of us who experience some kind of adversity. I am ever so thankful that Ed felt safe among our Rotary Club members to share and look forward to helping him share the experience with a larger audience—perhaps even becoming a motivational speaker at one of Rotary’s many programs serving our youth.”
Longtime Rotarian Denise Wadsworth will be the club’s president for 2017-18.
“It takes intestinal fortitude to expose your ‘difference’ in such a public manner, and it takes discernment to know what audience would be receptive and encouraging as he did so,” Wadsworth said. “San Marino Rotarians were the right folks. Ed managed to connect our newer and younger members to reflect on the ravages of polio and how grateful we all will be when we finally eradicate it from the face of this earth.”
Yes, Tom may have picked the perfect audience for his first address on the subject as the fight to end polio is Rotary’s top priority.
The Global Polio Eradication Initiative, formed in 1988, is a public-private partnership that includes—in addition to Rotary—the World Health Organization, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, UNICEF, and the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. The latter matches every dollar Rotary commits to polio eradication two-to-one, up to $35 million a year through 2018.
Margaret and Ed Tom have been residents of San Marino since 1996. The couple has two sons; Matthew is a junior at USC studying Pre-Law and Alex is an accounting major at Pepperdine. Both graduated from San Marino High School.
