By The Rev. Jeff Thornberg
Special to the Tribune
Each year, during the Advent and Christmas seasons, I am deeply moved by sermons and mediations written by women that explore the miracle of the incarnation through the lens of their experiences of childbirth.
Of course, I do not fully understand the thoughts of these authors or the experiences they reflect. I will never comprehend the pain, joy, fear and holiness of physically giving birth to new life. Yet, I find profound beauty in that incomprehension.
The birth of my first daughter almost 10 years ago was without a doubt the most holy and life- altering event I have ever experienced, even though I still do not fully understand all that God did in that hospital room on that cold morning in March.
During her pregnancy, my wife wanted to give birth naturally. She and I spent weeks during her pregnancy taking “husband-coached childbirth” classes. Far from training me to be an expert, these classes essentially taught me to “do no harm,” get out of the way, and provide emotional and physical support for her, as her body did what it was designed to do.
Thanks be to God (and my wife being a superhero) our daughter was born without any medication or medical intervention. The hours of labor and delivery were terrifying, transformative, exhilarating and even redemptive. I fell in love with my daughter the very instant I laid my eyes upon her, but in that journey toward birth, I fell deeper in love with my wife and with God.
Yet, the most profound aspect of the experience for me was that it was altogether not about me: It was about God’s miraculous, infinitely incomprehensible work of love through my partner’s physical being before me. I was not in charge of any of it. I was a partner to it, but not a participant. The most important thing I could do was be supportive and to get out of the way of God’s astonishing work, brokered through my wife’s beautiful, vulnerable body in a very scary, painful and yet breathtaking process.
In addition, I remember more far more of the messy and miraculous details of all of our daughters’ births. When we talk to other couples about childbirth, I find myself eagerly narrating the events, who said what and how long it took. I was not the primary or even secondary player in any of the events of those days, but my role in all three of my daughters’ births was very real, holy and special to me.
I love Advent and Christmas. I love images of Mary, particularly when she is pregnant and authentically human.
My experience of childbirth as a father gave me profound respect for Joseph, who managed to get out of the way and be a quiet, supportive witness to God’s holy, scary, exhilarating and universe-altering act of love for the world. I am quite sure Joseph did not quite understand it all. But then again, he did not need to. He simply stayed out of the way.
Thornberg is rector of Church of Our Saviour.
